BREAKING: tiddy.city has returned, and unfortunately it has opinions.

WELCOME OUR NEWEST WRITER: TOOSHORT (5'2" IN BOOTS, 1000% SHORT-TEMPERED)

BY DONGBOAT · REPORTING LIVE FROM THE BEACH BAR

It is with a mixture of intense legal concern and deep emotional exhaustion that tiddy.city officially announces our newest contributing staff writer: TooShort (known in municipal court records as Riley Schneider).

Standing a ferocious 5-foot-2 in double-soled sneakers, TooShort brings a unique editorial perspective to the site: namely, extreme height insecurity combined with an anger level that spikes to 1,000% whenever someone places pretzels on a shelf higher than 5 feet.

"He promised us he would write groundbreaking investigative journalism. Instead, he showed up at the beach carrying two massive coconut clusters larger than his ribcage, yelling at a lifeguard, and demanding a booster seat for his fried food." — Dongboat

Please join us in welcoming TooShort to the team. If you see him at a bar, do not ask him to reach the top shelf, and whatever you do, do not mention that his browser tab #114 is currently operating at 4,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

INTERNET NEWS · BY DONGBOAT

BREAKING: tiddy.city has returned, and unfortunately it has opinions.

After an extended period of being a perfectly normal domain doing nothing for anybody, tiddy.city has re-entered society with the confidence of a man who has just discovered a neck pillow at an airport gift shop.

The site’s first official act was to appoint a head of future technology, despite the fact that his current technology appears to be a very serious pair of ski goggles connected to a dinner plate by a shoelace. The board was impressed. There is no board.

Expect stories, clips, music, strange observations, and whatever else can be responsibly published before someone says, “Maybe don’t put that on the internet.” We have chosen to interpret that sentence as a challenge.

— Dongboat, reporting live from a browser tab nobody should have left open